Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Queen of “As Seen on TV”

We’ve all seen them…infomercials, those half hour commercials selling anything and everything under the sun to make your life better, your wrinkles go away, your housework easier, your wallet fuller. You flip through the channels late at night while your spouse is snoring away beside you keeping you from getting back to sleep. You stop on one to see Vince exclaiming that Sham Wows are “made in Germany. You know the Germans. They always make good stuff!” Or extolling the virtues of the Slap Chop saying “you’re going to love my nuts!” And then you are hooked.

You know in your head that all the claims just can’t be true, but for $19.95 you can make breakfast to go by slap chopping a boiled egg, a mushroom and some ham!! Yum, yum! Or repair your torn flag and watch it hold together in STORM FORCE WINDS! Who could resist?!

Perhaps this explains the fact that I own just about everything advertised “As Seen on TV.” I get sucked in. I don’t know how it happens, but I watch these things a few times telling myself it can’t work as advertised, and then suddenly it’s on my doorstep. Lets take an inventory…

Sham Wow…got it.

The steam mop…got it

The hand held steam cleaner… got it

Mighty Mend It…got it

Those miracle hangers…got it

The Iron Gym…got it

Exercise Bands…got it

The Titan Peeler…got it

Oxy Clean and KABOOM(before they were mainstream)…got it.

QRB-Quickly Restores Beauty…got it

Ab Lounger…got it

Ab Roller…got it

Space bags, furniture moving disks, Pedi Paws, Cindy Crawford’s Meaningful Beauty, P90X…got it, got it, got it, got it, and GOT IT!!!!

Maybe it would be easier if I listed what I haven’t bought…Houston, we have a problem. No. Wait. I have not bought a Topsy Turvy or a Magic Bullet. I also did not buy a Slap Chop but that was probably because I already had the Pampered Chef version.

Before you diagnose me as a compulsive shopper or maybe just a gullible idiot, let me tell you that I use all these things, and they each worked for me as advertised except maybe the hand held steam cleaner , QRB, and Pedi Paws. The first two actually work, but just not as spectacularly as on TV. Pedi Paws is my only really bad purchase. The dogs wouldn’t let me near them with it.

Sham Wows are the best kitchen cloths ever. I even bought sets for Christmas gifts. The steam mop is a dream come true…clean floors no chemicals. Mighty Mend It is perfect for those hem jobs I hate. Love the hangers. Space bags work. We still use the furniture moving disks. Meaningful Beauty actually made a difference…if you didn’t know how old I was how old would you think I am??? The Ab Lounger and Ab Roller got me back exercising again. The Iron Gym is helping me master a pull up (uh, yes, I did say a pull up….as in 1). I use the exercise bands while I do my P90X workout, which has worked miracles on my body…really!! The Titan Peeler is absolutely the best of them all. I have actually peeled a pineapple with it. I even gave my daughter one for Christmas!

Seriously, I have been lucky. And even for the ones that didn’t work out, I only spent $19.95 plus shipping and handling. My Aunt Betty says I inherited this tendency from my grandmother. I don’t remember that about her. Shoot I didn’t even know she had a TV. My Dad did have a glasscutter and rock polisher. I seem to remember a whole set of glasses cut from those green bottles of Tom Collins mix he always had dozens of. He was the only one who would drink from them, though. The rest of us were afraid of drinking glass slivers. And then there were all those shiny rocks just lying around the utility room. I’d look at them and think, “How pretty.” Even so my brothers don’t buy this stuff, and I don't think any of the cousins do either. Therefore I am not convinced it is an inherited trait.

Oops, wait a minute…my daughter bought a Snuggie…uh oh!

2 comments:

  1. While this isn't a rant as defined by Answers.com,
    http://www.answers.com/main/ntquery?s=rant&gwp=13. It does give the reader great insight into your personalty, and projects a comprehensive message. Purchasing all of these items, not just some them, indicates that you have a strong desire to find the truth irregardless of the cost. It takes a lot of courage, after all they could have all been big busts. You could've wound up with just a closet full of "As seen on T.V." items. But you actually used them and gave a good report on their level functionality to others who may have interest in these products. As far as inheriting these qualities, if you read my response to "Class", "No Class" then you know that this trait did not materialize itself out of stardust that fell on you. It definitely came from external influences, mother and father. Thanks for the report and could you get the hair snake and try it? I think I can use that one, but only if it works. I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize for getting a little carried away on my CH-CH CH-Chia! response, I guess it really struck a nerve with me. Thanks for all the good information on the "As Seen on T.V." products. Oh! I do remember the glasses, and thought they were pretty cool.

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  2. Actually, I think you inherited most of these tendencies from your husband.

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